Xueji’s mind was in turmoil. After sending the intel about the secret realm’s spirit tribe back to headquarters, she found herself with nothing to do while waiting for command’s reply. Without even realizing it, she had opened her communicator.
On the screen, Ling Xiaoxiao’s status was displayed as ‘Missing.’
Since Ling Xiaoxiao’s authority within the Special Abilities Corps was second only to Commander Ye’s, only a select few high-ranking officials were aware of the situation. However, due to some permissions Ling Xiaoxiao had previously transferred to her, Xueji also knew.
As Xueji sat there feeling restless, Shaya quietly sat down beside her, offering silent companionship.
Half an hour later, Xueji finally snapped out of her daze and hurriedly turned off the communicator screen.
“So that idiot Ling Xiaoxiao is missing?”
Shaya’s sudden voice made Xueji jump.
“When did you get here?” Xueji asked hastily.
“Half an hour ago, while you were staring blankly at your communicator,” Shaya replied, sounding a bit distracted herself, her gaze drifting.
“Yes. The situation is unclear. The entire team has completely lost contact.”
Seeing Xueji’s lost and anxious expression stirred something in Shaya’s heart. She couldn’t quite describe the feeling. Even though her relationship with Ling Xiaoxiao was like fire and water, she didn’t truly wish for anything bad to happen to her.
“Then go,” Shaya said softly, placing a small hand on Xueji’s shoulder, her eyes reflecting Xueji’s form. “Go find her!”
In Shaya’s clear pupils, Xueji saw her own confused self.
“But, we have to first…” Xueji instinctively began to refuse.
Shaya’s soft hands quickly crossed and covered Xueji’s mouth.
“No ‘buts.’ Your eyes tell me you want to go!” Shaya felt a surge of dissatisfaction. Why were humans so contradictory? Why did they know the answer yet still hold themselves back?
“What’s made you so restrained?” Shaya pushed with force, shoving Xueji to the ground. “Back when I first met you, you were so free and unrestrained.”
Xueji had no retort. What was wrong with her? How could someone so hesitant and fearful live up to the title of Sage?
“I’m sorry, I—”
Before she could finish, Shaya punched her in the face.
“Are you an idiot?! Who wants to hear your apology?!” Shaya grabbed Xueji’s collar, tears welling up in her eyes. “I don’t want you to become like this!”
With that, Shaya threw herself into Xueji’s arms. An inexplicable wave of委屈 overwhelmed her, and her tears broke free like a dam.
Their commotion drew curious glances from the spirit beasts nearby. Such tangled, convoluted emotional dramas were rare in this forest. While they didn’t understand why these two, who seemed fine before, had ended up like this, it didn’t stop them from gathering to watch.
An old ape, wearing an ancient robe full of marks of time, a gift from the little monkeys, looked somewhat like a hairy-mouthed, thunder-god-faced old monk at first glance.
He watched Shaya and Xueji with great interest, stroking the white hair on his chin.
A young monkey, puzzled by the scene, asked, “Elder Ancestor, why did that wolf sister hit someone first and then cry so much?”
The old ape, hearing this, spoke with an air of aged wisdom, “Heh, so-called ‘feelings’ are just like that. There’s no logic to them.”
Seeing the group of young, yellow-furred monkey brats scratching their heads in confusion, the old ape knew he was casting pearls before swine.
“Alright, alright. You’ll understand these things when you grow up… or maybe you still won’t. Off you go, now.”
“But Elder Ancestor, you have to bring us back tasty treats when you go out!” the clever little monkey seized the chance to make demands.
“Good child, I know, I know. Now hurry along. Don’t disturb my show.” So saying, he took a piece of fruit from one of the little monkey’s hands and shooed them away.
The little monkeys finally left, albeit reluctantly.
Xueji felt the sting on her face, her ears filled with Shaya’s hysterical sobs.
“I don’t want you like this, wuwuwu~” Shaya managed between sobs, her tears soaking through Xueji’s chest.
Today, Xueji learned just how much this girl could cry—a genuine flood of tears that drenched her combat uniform.
What’s the point of all this? Xueji couldn’t help but think. What good does this illogical emotional outburst do for the actual situation?
Xueji wanted to comfort Shaya, or at least get her to stop making such a scene.
She reached out, intending to pat Shaya’s head, but Shaya dodged, grabbed Xueji’s hand, and bit it.
“Ouch—Shaya, stop messing around!” Bitten for no apparent reason, Xueji’s already foul mood grew even more chaotic.
“Then go find Ling Xiaoxiao right now! Don’t just irritate me here!” Shaya got up from Xueji, pulling her to her feet.
But she wasn’t done yet. She wrapped her arms tightly around Xueji and, holding her close, charged towards the territory of the Cloud Wolf Tribe.
When the lake within the territory came into view, Xueji gave up struggling, allowing Shaya to drag her into the water.
With a flying leap, the two of them crashed onto the water’s surface like meteors, sending up a huge spray.
Throughout the entire process, Xueji only felt chaos. All the negative emotions she had accumulated since returning to Earth finally erupted, nearly impossible to contain.
If possible, Xueji wished the accident during the fight with the Demon King had never happened. She wouldn’t be plagued by the contradiction of a female body and male mind, wouldn’t have become suspicious and instinctively distanced herself from the new young women she’d met.
It’s all Ling Xiaoxiao’s fault, she thought. Always charging in without a care, never minding what I might be thinking inside. How am I supposed to know who they actually love?
Did Ling Xiaoxiao love the immortal from her past life, or the white-haired Sage of the present? Surely it couldn’t be her former, pre-transformation self?
Her inner contradictions, met with Ling Xiaoxiao’s relentless advances, had caused Xueji’s heart to become more and more closed off during their on-again, off-again interactions.
The more she cared about those around her, the more Xueji feared learning the answer to this question, becoming anxious about potential loss.
She was terrified of her female self. She feared that the bonds she was building now might ultimately prove as insubstantial as flowers in a mirror or the moon’s reflection in water.
Sometimes she was afraid she might change back; other times she felt an early release would be better.
Lately, she had been throwing herself into Pioneer missions, just to forget these thoughts and steal a moment’s peace.
This time, Xueji didn’t struggle. After crashing into the lake, she offered no resistance, letting herself sink into the depths.
‘What a complete mess.’
Water rushed into her nose and mouth. Predictably, Xueji was about to drown again.
‘I might as well call myself the Drowning Sage…’
‘Why is my return to normal life either getting strangled by a lunatic or drowning in this lake?’
But it was also in this chaotic moment that Xueji was able to put down her burdens and re-examine herself since returning to Earth.
Returning to modern society, joining the Special Abilities Corps, becoming a Pioneer… Xueji had thought she could descend upon the world as a savior with a calm and detached mindset.
She never expected it would end in such a shambles.
‘I was too arrogant…’
Her consciousness began to fade. In her dazed state, Xueji heard an unfamiliar, ethereal female voice.
[O Sage, don’t be so self-destructive. If you can’t even save these young women, how can you save the world?]
“Save them? If the spiritual energy hadn’t revived, they would all be fine. Why would they need me to save them?”
[Because fate is fickle, my dear Sage. Please remember, you are you. There is no need to fear.]
Xueji’s consciousness began to return. The ethereal voice grew distant. But Shaya’s crying was so clear.
The moment Xueji opened her eyes, Shaya threw herself onto her with a wail.
“A-Ji, I’m sorry! I did the wrong thing!”
Xueji smiled and ruffled her hair. “No, you didn’t. Thank you for waking me up.”